Poison

Quite frankly...

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 23:29:36 +0200

my dear, I don't give a damn

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This blog

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:56:02 +0200

Most of the time this blog seems far too sad, a place I don't like to visit unless I'm feeling down.

so I think I'm going to have a happy blog, a place I like to be

I'll let ya know when its ready.

xxx

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Mobile Broadband - Advice?

Wed, 27 May 2009 13:58:26 +0200

I've just signed up for 3 pay as you go mobile broadband.

£29 for the USB stick

£15 - 3gb

No contract

anyone got it?

probably should of asked this question before I bought it!

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Think in the last 3 years, this is longest I've ever gone without writing on blog!

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:59:49 +0100

I've kind of lost all inclination to write on here at the moment (as I'm sure you've all gathered)!

Just thought I'd post a quicky, I'm due in a lecture in 3 mins!

Lifes good. I've come back to college and am now doing access to midwifery, something I've wanted to do for about 10 years. I never ever would have made a good beauty therapist lol!

right I really better go!

I'll report back soon, and catch up with everyone.

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Merry Christmas

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 01:38:28 +0100

Merry Christmas, and a prosperous New year to all my blog chums. xxx

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it moments like this that make me realise my life is perfect just the way it is

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 00:25:20 +0100

I was in the car with Princess, and we had one of her party cd's on, 'court of King Caractacus' came on, so I was dancing about doing the routine and singing along (don't ask... and we were stuck in traffic!) when we parked up she looked up at me, straight in the eyes and said "Mum sometimes you're really embarrassing. But please, don't ever change" and she gave me a massive hug.

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With all fresh starts

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 10:21:28 +0200

comes a new hair style...

I'm dying my hair back dark brown!

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Its official

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:59:00 +0200

He's back with the ex. I was only ever a fucking distraction, someone that was ok while there was nothing better to do.

What makes me sadder than anything is I thought he was my friend, but he's only ever used me.

what is it about me. why is that all I'm good for? why do I let me people do this to me.

You live and learn (again) I guess!!! (not that I actually do ever learn)

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If a tree falls in a forest with no one around does it make a sound?

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 22:24:14 +0200

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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I don't miss him either!

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 22:35:29 +0200

he was the biggest arse of them all! he was the one that pretended to love me, he was the one that I fell for, he was the one who let me think we had a future, he was the one that had an affair behind my back, guess Dan might be an arse... but at least he's up front about it!

MEN!!!

HUMANS!!!!

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I don't want either of them!

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:11:46 +0200

They're just a distraction. I still miss Harry. More than ought

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its so rock and roll to be alone!

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 16:32:20 +0200

I've got a date next week

with a lovely man

he's a proper grown up

with a proper job

who's lovely

and so very nice and kind

and very good looking

and who would treat me like a princess...

so why do I want the little shit

who wouldn't care if he never saw me again

and who as never given me anything except chlamydia, a burnt jacket potato, and a bit of weed!

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Jeez is that the time!

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 00:30:58 +0200

Better get some sleep, big day tomorrow/today, one of my best friends wedding.

I tried my dress on today, and nearly had heart faliure when it wouldn't fasten up straight away, its a bit tight but you can't really tell! damn weight gain! on a diet as from monday, I will be 8 stone in 2 weeks! I can't decide, curly or straight hair?! decisions!

So... Saw Dan last night, stormed out on him this morning when he refused to have sex with me (was the right thing to do, we both need to get the all clear from GU med this week, and we didn't have any condoms left... but still at the time I was pissed off!!! how dare he turn me down for sex!!!... I know, Iknow, I acted like a child!) We're seeing each other properly again now... I know... I know... I'm a fool!!! but... I can't help it, I've come to the conclusion I like living in angst... It keeps me slim!

Wonder if Postsecrets will be up yet?!

Night y'all

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stuck in this life!

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:52:08 +0200

I sometimes wish life was a pencil drawing.

Unfortunately im drawing with a big black marker pen.

My Mum always did say my head was in the clouds, and thats probably my problem, I want to be that princess I dreamt of as a child, I want to live in one of those fairy worlds I imagined, where the sun was always shining, and everyone lived in amanita muscaria mushrooms... I think I wanna be smurfette... but with brown hair!

Real life is shit!

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nicked from Mattk

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:34:27 +0200

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5.30 gah... the alarm wasn’t set till 6.30... I hate it when that happens!
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Mama mia with my little sis, its a great film
4. What is your favourite TV show? Desperate housewives
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee
6. What is your middle name? green
7. What food do you dislike? Raw tomatoes
8. What is your favourite CD at moment? An old Pixies one I’ve re-found
9. What kind of car do you drive? 53 plate crappy Punto
10.Favourite sandwich? Egg and Mushroom
11.What characteristic do you despise? Pretentiousness, ignorance, selfishness
12.Favourite item of clothing? My big black urban outfitters jumper
13.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? An unspoilt Greek island
14.Favourite brand of clothing? Not right bothered
15.Where would you retire to? Go to an unspoilt Greek island
16.What was your most recent memorable birthday? All my birthdays are shit
17. Favourite sport to watch? Gymnastics
18. Furtherest place you are sending this? To the Blogosphere
19. Person you expect to send it back first? I don’t expect ought!
20. When is your birthday? In the summer
21. you a morning person or a night person? Depends
22. What is your shoe size? 6
23. Pets? A full grown puppy
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? No!!!
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A doctor, a vet, an actress, an art teacher, a mother, an explorer, an astronaut, a fashion designer... you name it I’ve wanted to be it!!!! Still don’t know now!!!
26. How are you today? Not bad. I’ve got food in my tummy so I’m feeling a little anxious and uncomfortable
27. What is your favourite sweets? Something sour
28.What is your favourite flower? Lillies
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Saturday the 6th September
30. What is your full name? Miss Poison Green Ivy
31. What are you listening to right now? Kings of leon
32. What was the last thing you ate? A slice of pizza
33. Do you wish on stars? Yes
34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Black
35. How is the weather right now? Rainy, cold, damp
36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My Ma
37.Favourite soft drink? Coke zero
38. Favourite restaurant? Cactus Jacks
39. Real hair colour? Dark Brown
40.What was your favourite toy as a child? Dunno!
41. Summer or winter? Summer
42. Hugs or kisses? Depends who’s giving them
43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
44. Coffee or tea? Depends
45. Do you want your friends to Post you back? Yes!!
46. When was the last time you cried? About Tuesday I think!
47.What is under your bed? Draws full of bed clothes and undies
48. What did you do last night? Not a great deal!
49.What are you afraid of? Being fatter
50.Salty or sweet? Depends, as a rule... salty
51. How many keys on your key ring? Two and a Tesco’s club card
52.How many years at your current job? Half a one!
53. Favourite day of the week? One that doesn’t involve work!
54. How many towns have you lived in? One!
55.Do you make friends easily? Yeah
56. How many people will you send this to? No one directly
57. How many will respond? Je ne sais pas

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late night ramblings of a "middle of the night" insomniac

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 04:47:50 +0200

happiness - I wonder if thats what every human being strives for, a desire to be happy and content. so I guess what I'm wondering is if thats the basis of the human nature?. I know thats what I want, but maybe I'm being to narrow minded, and thinking of myself, I don't know!

I've never been able to get my head around what "happiness" means to me. I know I want it, I know when I find it my life will be complete, but how am I supppose to find it if I don't know what I'm looking for?!

I know I've looked for it in all the wrong places, I've looked for it in bones, in a number of mind altering substances, in people, in relationships, in casual sex, in religion, in health and fitness, in materialistic things, in therapy, it doesn't matter where I look, I just can't seem to find what I'm striving for!

I know, you're going to say 'I need to find it in myself' but I can't, its not there either.

The stupid thing is I feel so ungrateful for saying all this, I've got the best thing in the world ever, my precious daughter, and I love her more than anything, but I feel like somethings missing, like there's a part of me not there.

I'm yearning for something to complete me, for something to fill the empty bits, I just wish I knew what it was, it'd make the search so much easier!!!

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Doormat?

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:37:46 +0200

sometimes I wonder if thats what I am!

I know I can only be treated like one if I allow myself to be...

but the only men I seem to attract are the ones that let me down and fuck me off when they've had what they want.

It seems I'm ok when they've got nothing else to do, or when they want something! I know its mostly my fault, I shouldn't expect anything of anybody... like respect, or like not to be let down by people when we've arranged things!!!

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Me...me

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:58:07 +0200

1. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
No never

2. How often do you wank?
depends on how horny I’m feeling! Today – 3 times

3. Where do you wish you were right now?
I don’t know! Clarity would be a good place!

4. Were you in love with the first person you slept with?
No! Can’t remember his name, did it so I’d done it!!!

5. Do you have any guilt inside of you?
Yes

6. Have you ever wished anyone dead, however brief?
Yes, but only murderers nobody I know

7. Assuming you HAD to be, would you rather be a colour, smell or sound?
A smell, my memory is really really crap, smells mean a lot to me, I remember most through smell

8. How and when do you imagine you are going to die?
I hope I get chance to say goodbye, I hope with people around me who I love.

9. Do you think love is forever?
Love for a child – yes
Love for a lover, or friend – No, sadly I don’t!

10. What is your worst fear for your future?
Failing my daughter

11. Do you LOVE anything about yourself? If so, what is it?
my empathy, and how I somehow manage to see the good in everything (its not always a good thing!!! – it sometimes hurts me a lot!)

12. Would you lie if you KNEW you could never get caught?
Depends what about and who to!

13. Could you have sex knowing someone could hear you?
Yes

14. What, if anything, do you do to make people do what you want?
I don’t, people are their own self! I can guide and give my advice, but I honestly would never want somebody to do what I wanted them to. Unless I really wanted them to do something... then I’d just do puppy dog eyes... works every time hehe!!!

15. How many times, if any, have you lied answering these questions?
yes... question 1 !!!

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Is this it?!

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:12:48 +0200

What is life all about!!! Is this it!!! surely there as got to be something more... we can't just be born... do (unimportant things)... then die... there as got to be something else to it!!! This CAN'T be it...

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Do men know the meaning of straight?!

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:43:18 +0200

I've been out tonight... I've had fun with the girls (n I'm extremely very drunk!), but I'm confused!!!

Confused by the male species!!!

Men... argh!!!

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Tip of the week!

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:39:25 +0200

Don't sleep with freespirited "friendly" Young men, with out protection!!! or least make sure they're up to date with the GU checks!!!

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Then along came Dan!

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:32:47 +0200

Like a breath of fresh air from those free spirited wings of his!

He's completely unlike any man I've ever been interested in before, we met at work, and from the moment he spoke to me n made me all stuttery and nervous.

he will be one hell of a man, he’s very bright with a degree in psychology, he’s caring, has common sense, is as funny as, is quirky, spontaneous, bloody gorgeous, and a potential toy boy!!! (Being a whole two years younger than me!)

For now though, he's living his life, getting stoned and what not, finding the meaning of life, and working to save for such things as travelling and festivals, and why shouldn’t he, he’s young with no responsibilities.

He makes me feel alive, he reminds me of me ten years ago. I’ve not know him very long, and I could quite happily just be his friend, I love spending time with him, staying awake for hours just talking rubbish. Just being! Just being myself.

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Dumped for a chav!

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:15:45 +0200

So... the ex I was/am so madly in love with, but whom dumped me for a chav, still sometimes texts me.

Last week we were texting and he told me things were going ok with him and his new chavy girlfriend, but that he still had issues with trust. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t trust anybody but me! I just don’t get men!!!

He text me again tonight, a blank text, completely by accident cause he had his phone in his pocket in the gym!!! of course!!!

I still feel for him... but I'd never, ever go there again, he's hurt me far too much, the lyrics "last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away" are how I feel... Yes, I'm old... and sad!

Not that he’d want me to go there again, he’s seems happy enough with his blonde, twenty five year old, chavy nurse.

Just wish he'd leave me alone. Yeah! You’re right... I don't really!

I've come to the conclusion I like living in angst! I'm a size 8 now!

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Should I have gone there? probably not! Am I glad I did? oh yes!

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:28:09 +0200

A few week back!

I'm just going to bed... after being up a solid 48 hrs!!!

Went on a date last night, with a lovely guy, lets call him N, we went to a county pub, and had a few glasses of wine, very civilized and nice, but to tell you the truth... he was boring as shit, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN CARS!!! the final nail on the coffin was the fact he let me pay for a drink!!!

By 11.30 it was time for home, so N drove me back to mine, I gave him a peck on the cheek and thanked him for a lovely time, he asked if he could take me out again, and obviously I said of course, because I wasn't really gunna tell him I thought he was boring.

so by 12 I was just about to put my Pj's on and go to bed when I got a call from Really Bad Boy (RBB ), (an acquaintance that I've been mutually flirting with, and with whom I'm due to be going to dinner with on wednesday) asking if I fancied a few drinks, I told him to bugger off, that I was far too tired and drunk!

I seriously have no clue how it happened cause I certainly had no intentions of going... but about 10 minutes later, there were three of us in his mates two seater ferrari, going back to his, with a police car behind us (luckily they didn't pull us over) his mate dropped us off, at RBB's pad, a very nice penthouse. I'm not gunna go into what actually happened, lets just say there was plenty of sex, drugs, n rock n roll!!!

Should I have gone there? absolutely not!!! (there are some more details to how RBB and I became acquanintance's that I can't be arsed to go into, but really meant I shouldn't of gone there, and no! he's not married or with anyone!)

Am I glad I did go there? oh yes! life is for living! and last night I was certainly living, a night I doubt I'll ever forget!

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Why does he keep contacting me?!

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:24:46 +0200

Why does he keep getting in contact, reminding me he's there.

He tells me I'm fantastic person(patronising bastard!)...

Then tell me he thinks he loves her.

He knows how I feel about him!

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eek!!!

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 23:05:15 +0200

why do I do it!!!

another bad boy!!!

another flame!!!

why do I have to touch it!!!

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I can't make you love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:23:31 +0200

We've spoke a few times recently, he says he doesn't know what he wants, we're supposed to be meeting next week to talk about things. I think he's seeing her this weekend and I'm being well and truely played!!!

So I've decided thats it. I AM NOT going to contact him again. Its completely over, he's had his chance, and as much as I love him, I have to love me more. I'm worth more than waiting around for someone to decide if they want me. If he doesn't know then he doesn't deserve me. I need to completely cut him out of my life, because if I don't I know I wont be able to move on. As much as that is going to kill me, its self preservation.

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Forget the man! Forget all men!

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:07:49 +0200

I stupidly text him this morning! (that won't happen again!). Number now deleted!

I've been on the sunbed! I'm gunna start frequeting the gym (He will realise what he's lost)
I kind of can't believe things are well and truely over. I keep expecting him to ring me, and tell me he doesn't want anyone else, I want him to tell me he only put space between us because he was scared of his feelings for me, but he's realised he can't live without me! and of course like a twat I'd believe him! LOL!!!

Right now I'm sad. Sad that I believed a man, and all the bull he was feeding me, it won't happen again.

I need a good girls night out!

I've been burn't once too many times, in future I'm gunna wear fire proof gloves and have a fire extinguish present at all times, Its a look I think I can work!

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clarity!

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:59:54 +0200

I'm not sure whats best... living with blinkers on and being happy.

or.

seeing the bigger picture, knowing everything, and being sad?

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Men!

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:48:54 +0200

I wonder if there are any truely nice men out there! In fact I know there are!

I suppose what I really want is a passionate man, one thats a bit rough around the edges, who know hows to treat a women. I want someone to wine and dine me. Treat me like a whore in the bedroom. Someone who keeps me on my toes, doesn't give me everything I want(cause thats too easy), someone who expects something back.

But someone who I can trust!

Mmmmmmm I'm not too sure all that goes together!

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