Poison

Like a breath of fresh air from those free spirited wings of his!

He's completely unlike any man I've ever been interested in before, we met at work, and from the moment he spoke to me n made me all stuttery and nervous.

he will be one hell of a man, he’s very bright with a degree in psychology, he’s caring, has common sense, is as funny as, is quirky, spontaneous, bloody gorgeous, and a potential toy boy!!! (Being a whole two years younger than me!)

For now though, he's living his life, getting stoned and what not, finding the meaning of life, and working to save for such things as travelling and festivals, and why shouldn’t he, he’s young with no responsibilities.

He makes me feel alive, he reminds me of me ten years ago. I’ve not know him very long, and I could quite happily just be his friend, I love spending time with him, staying awake for hours just talking rubbish. Just being! Just being myself.

So... the ex I was/am so madly in love with, but whom dumped me for a chav, still sometimes texts me.

Last week we were texting and he told me things were going ok with him and his new chavy girlfriend, but that he still had issues with trust. He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t trust anybody but me! I just don’t get men!!!

He text me again tonight, a blank text, completely by accident cause he had his phone in his pocket in the gym!!! of course!!!

I still feel for him... but I'd never, ever go there again, he's hurt me far too much, the lyrics "last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away" are how I feel... Yes, I'm old... and sad!

Not that he’d want me to go there again, he’s seems happy enough with his blonde, twenty five year old, chavy nurse.

Just wish he'd leave me alone. Yeah! You’re right... I don't really!

I've come to the conclusion I like living in angst! I'm a size 8 now!

A few week back!

I'm just going to bed... after being up a solid 48 hrs!!!

Went on a date last night, with a lovely guy, lets call him N, we went to a county pub, and had a few glasses of wine, very civilized and nice, but to tell you the truth... he was boring as shit, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN CARS!!! the final nail on the coffin was the fact he let me pay for a drink!!!

By 11.30 it was time for home, so N drove me back to mine, I gave him a peck on the cheek and thanked him for a lovely time, he asked if he could take me out again, and obviously I said of course, because I wasn't really gunna tell him I thought he was boring.

so by 12 I was just about to put my Pj's on and go to bed when I got a call from Really Bad Boy (RBB ), (an acquaintance that I've been mutually flirting with, and with whom I'm due to be going to dinner with on wednesday) asking if I fancied a few drinks, I told him to bugger off, that I was far too tired and drunk!

I seriously have no clue how it happened cause I certainly had no intentions of going... but about 10 minutes later, there were three of us in his mates two seater ferrari, going back to his, with a police car behind us (luckily they didn't pull us over) his mate dropped us off, at RBB's pad, a very nice penthouse. I'm not gunna go into what actually happened, lets just say there was plenty of sex, drugs, n rock n roll!!!

Should I have gone there? absolutely not!!! (there are some more details to how RBB and I became acquanintance's that I can't be arsed to go into, but really meant I shouldn't of gone there, and no! he's not married or with anyone!)

Am I glad I did go there? oh yes! life is for living! and last night I was certainly living, a night I doubt I'll ever forget!